Dog Writes Blog

Miniture humans?

2011-01-30T08:29:00.001-08:00

So another thing I forgot to mention in my last posting is that there is a miniture human that keeps showing up at my house. I think it's female because it wears lots of pink. When it first started showing up it was smaller and couldn't walk or anything. Now it can walk and pet me. That part I like. But it smells funny. And my human makes me go outside a lot when it's here.
What is this thing? Have humans bred miniture humans, like miniture horses. If so, why? Miniture horses are freaky. And why does it come over here. Sometimes it's just for a short time and them sometimes, like this time, it comes and sleeps.
I don't understand, can someone please explain it to me?

Massy

Long time no arf....

2011-01-21T19:31:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has been a busy year in my household. My human goes away a lot, but she always come back. But it means I have less access to the computer. Huck, my buddy, is full sized now. He's a mess. He eats his dog bed, and socks, and shoes, and worst of all my collars. That silly puppy has eaten two of my collars, and the last one was such a pretty pink collar. Now my human won't buy me a new one because he'll just eat that too.
The gray furball has been sick this year which has made my human very sad. The two furballs and I are all about the same age. It's tough getting older! My muzzle keeps getting more and more gray. If this keeps up I'm going to ask my human to take me to her hairdresser. Maybe she can color it? But if I do, i'll think i'll get a fun color like pink or blue. The other furball is fat and can't jump very well any more. It's kind of funny watching him try.
Well, I've been up for 20 minutes now and it's about time to take a nap.

So Tired

2010-02-25T19:06:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a busy month or so. We had lots of snow which was so much fun. My best friend Huck and I played for hours every day. Then I hurt my toe, but my human took me to the needle man and they made it all better.

Huck is settleing in to our routine. He is so funny when he sleeps, he sleeps whole heartedly. Like stretched out and snoring. He does like to sleep in my bed which isn't cool at all though. My human says he has to go to the needle man to get fixed. I didn't know there was anything wrong with him, but apparently he's broken. Speaking of broken, Rowdy, how is your food lady? Did she get her arm fixed?

I want to go to the park, do you want to go and meet Huck? You'll like him, he's just like us, but smaller.

Massy

We're out of Chewies: please call 911

2010-02-04T08:21:00.000-08:00

Dear reader,
The food lady is a failure. She is out of chewies which means I am out of chewies. She say's she'll get new chewies on Friday, not to worry. Does she know its only Thursday now? Apparently not.....
The food lady bought me a snuggy. I hate that snuggy. I'm working on eating the arms off. That'll show the food lady, no chewies for twenty four hours. I think she must have been dropped on her bed head as a baby.
Huck, welcome to the family.
Good day; I must now chew off my own arms.
Rowdy

Great Day

2010-01-29T12:20:00.000-08:00

It's sleeting in the town I live in. My human thinks I'm crazy, but it is so much fun to play in. I've been out all morning. It's so fun! Also, Huck, the new puppy is awesome. He's the best toy ever. We've played tug of war with socks, and I get to chase him around. It's great. Brother man, you so have to come check him out, he's so much fun. Everyone enjoy this great weather.

Massy

Orange Furr Ball and Huck

2010-01-17T20:35:00.000-08:00

Hello readers,
I have been working on a list of why I hate the orange fur ball. Here's what I've got so far.
1. it poops in a pan, seriously, go outside like everyone else
2. it doesn't share it's food, that's just rude
3. it is too fat to jump over the baby gate, which is actually pretty funny.

Also, my human got a friend for me. His name is Huck. First off he is a boy. That's weird. But he's really cool. I like him. He's fun and he picks on the orange and white fur ball. The only problem I have with him is he eats my chews. But I'm willing to share since he's so cool.

Okay, tired, I'm signing off now. Brother man, come over and meet Huck and lets go play.

Massy

Poo poo ka choo

2010-01-12T10:47:00.000-08:00

Hello gentle readers,
A man and a woman walked into a bar. The woman said to a man already sitting down at the bar, "Are these seats taken?" The man sitting down looks up at the woman, who he notices is quite beautiful and says, "Please sit down, but your friend needs to stay outside." The woman looks at the man she came into the bar with and says "Okay, Rowdy, you go stay outside, no dogs allowed." I hate that joke.

What is this Christmas?

2009-12-28T18:55:00.001-08:00

Rowdy- Happy birthday brother dog. My human hasn't been around a whole lot and has been hogging the computer when she is home. Sorry for the belated birthday wishes. Man, we're getting old!
This past week my human was gone a lot. She always came back smelling like food and other dogs. But she brought me home this really good stuff called ham. And on Friday she gave me a can of wet food. The can said organic, I think that means that it's really expensive. And I got to visit my friend Sally. Then my human stayed home ALL day yesterday. It was a great weekend! Of course, today everything was back to normal.
Massy- I'm working on a list of all the reasons why I hate the orange and white fur ball. Do you have any thing to add. I know you have an orange and white furball at your house too. What is it with them. Don't our humans know how gross and annoying they are?

Massy

I'm sorry......

2009-12-24T00:03:00.000-08:00

Massie,
The same thing happened here with my food lady once, only it was the old lady dog that was here when I got here and not a puppy. My food lady cried and cried. Provider man cried and cried. Junior food provider cried and cried. Baby food provider did nothing; he was just a baby after all.
I'm sorry, but I thinks it bad. However, I think it's good that it made your human hug you. She's a good food lady.
Happy Birthday sis,
Rowdy

Sad news

2009-12-17T19:32:00.000-08:00

Hello readers. Sorry Rowdy and I haven't posted lately. It's been really busy. Both of our humans have been away lots. I wanted to let you know the news about the puppy. My human brought her home and called her Rosie. I ignored her. She was all yippy and smelled really funny. She did jump on the dog from next door which was really awesome. I hate that dog, always coming into my yard. Anyway, she had a cold so my human kept her away from me and the furballs. That was fine with me since I hadn't made up my mind about how I felt about her. Then she got really sick and had to go away for a while. This was around the time that all my human's people came around. I liked it because I got turkey and other goodies. So did the puppy. I really liked the turkey but it didn't make the puppy very happy, she just kind of laid there. She wouldn't play or hardly go outside to potty. My human even took her to work on Monday because she was so worried. The next day my human came home and told me that Rosie got really sick and wasn't going to come home again. Then she gave me a big hug and cried. I'm not really sure exactly what happened, but I know that it made my human sad and that made me sad. So now it's pretty quiet around here again. My human is doing better. I'm trying to be extra sweet so she won't feel bad. I think it's working.
Massy

New Addition

2009-11-15T09:36:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the words of encouragement Rowdy.
Well, my human did it. I don't know how excited I am about this. I've seen a picture of her. She's is a pretty puppy. But very young. She's probably going to chew all my stuff up. But I'm pretty sure that the orange and white furball is going to hate her, that's a huge bonus in my book. She doesn't get here until Tuesday, so I still have a couple of days of peace. I'll keep you up to date on how things go.

Massy

You are doomed

2009-10-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

Dearest Massie,
It's your brother here. I regret to inform you that you are doomed.
Best wishes on the new puppy,
The Rocket Dog-just trying out a new nickname

New Sister?

2009-10-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

My human and I have been talking about adding another dog to the family. I've been an only puppy for a long time. But I really enjoy hanging out with my cousins Sally and Max, not to mention my brother Rowdy. But do I really want a new sister? Will I have to share my sleeping space? WIll my human still love me as much? Will I have to stay outside more? Will I have an ally against the orange and white furball? What do you think gentle readers?
Confused,
Massy

Orange is not my color...

2009-10-09T20:43:00.001-07:00

So my human used to watch a lot of Animal Cops on Animal Planet (I think she must have been allergic because it would make her sniffle and she doesn't watch it anymore), so I know what happens if a human hurts a dog. But what happens if a dog hurts a human? I need to know. I think I might be going to jail. I'm a black lab...if you put me in an orange jumpsuit, I look like a Halloween puppy and that is so not the look I'm going for. I step on my humans toes all the time and even though she complains, it doesn't really hurt her. Tonight we were playing and I accidentally batted at her head and scratched her mouth and made her bleed. Will I go to jail? She's not talking to me right now. But she didn't yell at me either. Does anyone know a lawyer?
Rowdy, is there an opening for a Halloween dog at your house? Can your human call my human and explain? What to do? And to top it all off, my human has been really nice this week. She took me to the needle man to help my eyes. Figures...just the time I start looking like myself again, I have to serve hard time. I need a harmonica...
Massy

Thanks....

2009-10-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

It's your friendly typewriting dog, Massy. First off, here's hoping my brother Rowdy is stomach virus free. You have to watch those human, they're dirty and constantly passing around germs. Rowdy and I sometimes give our humans a bit of a hard time, but they really are great people to live with. I have been reminded of this lately. My former owner has a new dog, she's okay. Young and very obnoxious, but better than the orange and white furball. She had an eye infection and gave it to me. Next thing I knew, my eyes were itchy and all goopy. The problem with having goopy eyes, is my tongue won't reach my eyes. I couldn't get rid of all that stuff and it was really gross. Plus, I'm really pretty and wouldn't ever be caught dead with eye goop. My very sweet human has been nursing my eyes for the past two weeks. She's very nice about it, although I'm not that crazy about the water stuff she drips in my eyes (although it does feel good). So despite making me stay outside, not feeding me on schedule, and not getting rid of the orange and white fur ball, I guess she's a pretty good human.
Massy

Quick update

2009-09-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

Hello All,
First of all, a big thanks to my muffin stealing sister for taking up some of the slack here. Umm, muffins....were they Blueberry by any chance?
I have to set the record straight. I was not in love with that Hickory nut. I simply enjoyed his smokey flavor and no kidding, that's the biggest Hickory Nut I've ever seen. I just brought it to the food lady so that she could see it in all it's nutty enormousness. Between you and me, I think she might be insane.
The human people are home here with the stomach virus. I sure hope I don't get that. I'm keeping my distance and wearing a surgical mask as well as a newspaper sailor hat the provider man made for me. I don't know, sometimes I just feel festive and like to show it.
Yappy day to you all! The writing dog is back!
Mmmmm, muffins.
Rowdy

I Must Protest

2009-09-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

First I must apologize to Rowdy for hijacking his website. But since he hasn't written you get me...Rowdy's less literary sister.

I must protest the treatment I received tonight at the hands of my human.

If you leave warm muffins on the counter do not blame me if I eat them. Why would I prefer the same bland dog food to hot steaming cinnamon muffins. If you didn't want me to eat them you shouldn't have left them out.
It is not fair to make me stand outside in the rain as punishment. I don't make you stand in the rain when you leave me inside too long or forget to feed me until late.
You should know that I've contacted the local Human Society to see about pressing charges.
You can rectify this situation by giving me some cheese.

Massy

A Dear John?

2009-09-09T20:13:00.000-07:00

To my human:
I am confused. Am I not a good dog? I don't pee on the floor, I don't eat your socks (often), I don't attack the orange and white furball or the gray furball (at least not without provocation), and when I escape from the backyard I don't run away. So why have you abanoned me? You have been gone a lot recently. I understand if you need a break from the furballs occasionally, (I do too, so next time you should take me with you). But do you have to go so often?
I do thank you for leaving my old human to take care of me. But he comes with another human and two little humans. They're okay, but they move very quickly. Please, lets discuss this when you return. Surely I can travel with you. You need me there to make sure you are properly covered with dog hair and saliva.

Miss you,
Massy

2009-09-03T20:39:00.000-07:00

Woof!!

Helllllooooo

2009-08-29T14:33:00.001-07:00

Hello all of Rowdy's followers! This is Massy, Rowdy's sister. Even though we're siblings we don't look much alike. I'm taller than Rowdy and look like a black lab, while my brother is shorter and looks like a yellow lab. But we're related because we act just the same. I'm really excited that Rowdy and his food lady are going to let us be on this blog. It's a lot harder to be creative when you don't have opposable thumbs. I keep trying to convince my human that my piles of dog hair are artful, but so far she hasn't bought it. I've enjoyed meeting you and will try to contribute regularly. But now I have to go take a nap. I've been up for about 30 minutes and dog am I beat!

Massy

2009-08-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies and gentle dogs, top of the morning to you! (I'm pretending to be British. I tried to explain this to the food lady, but she thinks my barking sounds as though I have heart worms.),
I have good news today! Guess! Guess!!!!No!Guess!!!Guess!!!!!No, the food lady did not drop her lunch, guess!!!!!That's it! I have a sister and she's going to be taking on some of the writing duties around here. How did you ever guess? So, let's all look forward to that and to the food lady possibly dropping her dinner. The cat, also known as the animal who is constantly underfoot, and I have an arrangement.
Come on dinner, come on,
The Dog

2009-08-23T17:40:00.001-07:00

2009-08-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

Not all dogs are allergic to chocolate chip cookies, so ha, ha food lady.

A love letter to the Food Lady, full of many good suggestions

2009-08-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

Dearest Food Lady,
As previously stated, you are all right. Please allow me to list just a few things that you could do that would make you an even better food lady.
I would like an electric blanket. Our house is drafty in the winter months and since you insist that I sleep on my bed instead of yours, I think this is in order.
I would like to take a trip around the world. Traveling is very sophisticated and I yearn to be a sophisticated dog.
Please quit telling people that story about the time you took me down to the river, let me off my leash, threw that dern stick into the water, taunted me with a hearty "go boy!," and then had to save me from drowning in the water because apparently contrary to popular belief, all dogs cannot swim. That story hurts my feelings.
I would like it very much if when the next time Provider Man cooks a steak, I got more than just the bone. Where's the rest of it? That's all I'm asking.
Still trying to get past the neutering,
The Dog

The head dog starts......

2009-08-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

It's true what they say about me. I am a dog. I have the floppy ears which at time stand in erect curiosity, (I can't help it, I am a dog,) the tell tale tail which constantly betrays me, and all that glorious fur which the food lady proudly displays upon her clothes. As a dog, I have many opinions. Please see the following.
1. I am concerned about the rapid deforestation in Asia
2. I am concerned that complex archeological sites are vanishing in the middle east due to war and circumstance.
3. I am perplexed why everyone in this household seems to be under the impression that I am somehow interested in chasing after a thrown stick. If you want the stick back so badly, why did you throw it in the first place?
4 My kibble dish is empty.
5. My kibble dish is still empty
6. Is anyone out there?

I am allowing the food lady to help me write this blog. I think it makes her feel important. She's a pretty good speller, (due to the advent of spell check,) and plus she has those helpful thumbs which come in really handy for typing and for when it comes time to open the door to go out for a "hurry hurry!"
All in all, the food lady's all right. I try to overlook the fact that we have a cat living here also. Next on the agenda.....